How To Handle a Break Up

 

Ever waited for a bus at a train station? Ever waiting on a train at a bus station? Have you ever waited on anything that never came? How did it make you feel? Unimportant? Used? Worthless? Or did you do like so many and give them the benefit of the doubt….”Well something really important must have come up at the last minute.”

There is an old expression that says “You better hurry up and wait”. We live in a society that has all forms of communication. E-mail, text, snail mail, cell phones, pay phones, instant messages and the list goes on and on. There is an abundance of ways to communicate. Sadly, one of the main reasons people breakup or divorce is lack of communication. Why is it that when we first met our ex’s that it was all about “I can’t wait to see and talk to them again”…you were so into everything they had to say. You sat on their every word. You smiled, you focused; heck maybe you took mental notes “she doesn't’t like balsamic vinaigrette on her salad…Got it!” There are hundreds of ways to communicate yet we don't know how!

Years ago, I was the biggest idealist out there. If I was stood up or was called at the last minute to be shot down because something “came up”, I would understand. I never gave it a second thought. Was I disappointed? Sure I was…but I tried to look at the good in everybody. I still do but with a different mind set. I use my brain first…not my heart.


Let’s think about this “Waiting” business. I want to put my idea out there for those who are willing to wait and see what happens with their ex. Do I have any ill feelings towards getting back together you may ask? Absolutely not! I am 100% for it but only if you do it wisely.

Ever had an appointment at the doctor’s office at 10:00 am and you get there fifteen minutes early. You sign in and you sit down…and wait. You grab an old magazine or two and wait some more for your name to be called. You can only read so much as you begin to fidget in your chair. You look around the room at the other patients as you smile a weak smile because you are running low on patience. Finally after an hour of waiting you get called back to an room where you wait again. The minutes seem like hours. In the silence of the cold, sterile room you hear the second hand on the clock click, click, click away…you wait another forty-five minutes until the doctor enters the room. I am sure we all can associate with this very well.

Here’s the kicker, we already knew the doctor was going to be there. We already had an appointment. We set a time and had a scheduled time to be there.



Now, let’s take the same scene and add a little different twist. Let’s assume you did not have an appointment. Let’s say you showed up at 10:00 am on your own free will. You sat on the couch and you began to read the old magazines. The minutes seem like hours and the hours seem like days. Will your name ever be called? Will you ever go back to the back? Will the doctor give you the same treatment that he gave everyone else that had an appointment? Probably not.


The following example is presented because waiting for nothing is a waste. Some of you may try to convince yourself that you are waiting for “love”. No, you are waiting with the idea of getting love back. Notice that I added bold text to the word “idea”. I did this with a reason. I want you to remember something. Ask anyone going through my 30 day NC challenge…


Ya ready? Here it comes….


The more you purposely wait on something, the longer it takes.


Earlier we presented a scene where we had an appointment. Now, we knew the doctor would see us. Now, add that you really need to get out of the doctor’s office by 12 noon and you have a problem. Sure two hours should be plenty of time to see the doctor and leave, but is this always the case? No way. Suddenly we are not on our time…we are on their time. Read that last line again please. Does this ring a bell with anyone or suddenly the little light bulb over your head pops on? I don’t know about you, but I love being on my own time. My life simply put, revolves around me. I know that sounds a bit arrogant but it’s not what I mean to say. What I mean is, your life belongs to you.


No one lives your life for you. no one! We all want to be happy. We all want a happy ending. We all hope that lost love returns because looking down the long tunnel of loneliness is scary. If you can create a mental picture of you in the middle and your ex far to your left and nothing to your far right…where would you want to go? Naturally, if there was some bit of good in your relationship, you would want to go towards your ex. Logically speaking, who wants to be alone?


Ok, this is a bigger…What if you ex dumped you for someone else? They left you an told you to get lost because they were “happy” with the new person. Months later they are running back to you because their new relationship failed. Put them in the middle of the last scene. You are to the far right of your ex and nothing to the far right. Naturally, they will want to come towards you because at least that is something. Notice I did not say because they wanted to. I said because it was better than having nothing and because it was familiar. OUCH!


We all care about our ex’s no matter what the resentment or our internal hurt meter may read. We all tend to focus on the positive when an ex leaves. We think of the good times and that we want them back. Did we focus on the good times before they left or were we fighting and avoiding one another? I doubt it. Sadly, people sometimes get over relationships while still in a relationship. Ever wondered why people “move on” so quickly? It’s because they were over you while still in the relationship. It’s the “Grass is always greener” analogy…the fact is it’s not always the case.



When an ex leaves us, no matter what the case may be, the more we wait” the longer it will be before we see results. Remember the old saying “A watched pot never boils”? It’s true. When you wait for something and expect quick results, you typically won’t get them. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to convince those out there who are waiting in any capacity ( by the phone, the internet, at home, at work, etc) for your ex to return, that you will be ready for a long wait. Live your life. No one should have to wait on someone that possibly isn't’t coming. Go with what you do know! Not with what you think. Know that in your heart that your waiting solves nothing but living your life can only benefit you and possibly your situation.


No one said you can’t miss them. No one said you are not supposed to care or love them. Absolutely….but love them the right way. Love them enough to say, “No matter what, I wish you all the best…if you come back, I will be the person I should have been in the first place…” Love them but don’t wait. I cannot tell you how much wasted time I have used up for a “train at the airport” so to speak. It never came. We all have a tolerance level. We tell ourselves, I am done waiting. Sadly this is because we get angry when nothing happens or improves. The odds are, if you don't wait…and move on, you will 100% get better much, much faster than if you did not. Learn to love you. Don’t settle for what you think you can get…..I say work on you and get what you deserve. This is how to handle a break up.


The original question was….If your ex falls in the woods, do you make a sound?



The answer is….if you are in the right mind frame…you will never know they fell.




Think about it….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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